I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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