You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
