Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
