I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think i got beer on your cat.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
