What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
