I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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