Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
