she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
