Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
