Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
