hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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