Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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