No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
should my penis look like a turkey
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
