im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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