Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
