I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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