Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
