The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
