And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
