Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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