I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize