He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
