I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
