everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You need a sexual gate keeper
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
