Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
