Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Where is the hickey?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
