Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
