U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
