Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
