C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
