the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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