he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
