Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
