I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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