dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
