I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
