Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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