you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
