Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
