Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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