Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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