My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
