you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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