More tranny stories later!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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