Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
