I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
