I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
