Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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