Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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