; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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