what if every blade of grass was a penis?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
