he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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