There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
