i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
