Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
