FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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