She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
