R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize