I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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