If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
