So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
