Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
