so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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