Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
