It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
