I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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