She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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