I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize