i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
