thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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