Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
