My room smells like vodka and shame
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
