I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
