4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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