u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am available for nakedness
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
