i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
