i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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