Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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