grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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