i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
