I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
