I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize