Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
