Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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