There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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